PRHC Emergency RN Carly Neadow On What It's Like Working On The Frontlines & The Impact On Family

In the first of a PTBOCanada series on the experiences of frontline healthcare workers produced by Mary Zita Payne, Emergency RN Carly Neadow gives us a firsthand look on what it’s like being on the frontlines during the pandemic. Here is her experience in her own words…

I started nursing in 2007, 13 years ago, being proud of my career choice and so excited to start my nursing journey. When you become a nurse, it becomes a part of who you are. It is not “just a job”, it becomes part of how you define yourself.

We commit to the job and our patients and are taught to advocate for our patients, putting their needs first. I never dreamt that one day I would have to worry about my career putting my family at risk. There are always risks in any job, but this virus (COVID-19) has brought so many new unknowns with it.

The entire world is in unchartered waters, and the frontline of healthcare is no different. I am so lucky to have the amazing support in my life, from my husband and children, parents, neighbours and friends, and my amazing sister and coworkers who are all battling these frontlines with me. Without them, I don’t know how I would be coping.

The hardest part about working through this is the unknown. 

Carly Neadow (photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne)

We do not know when/if/how hard this virus will affect our community/hospital/healthcare system. We do not know who it will affect: our parents, spouses, children, co-workers, or ourselves. A very respected colleague of mine described it as: “This must be how soldiers feel waiting to go into battle.”

The angst of waiting creates this ball in the pit of your stomach. Everyday I leave for work I worry that I may bring this home to my family. Everyday, I struggle with the battle of whether I should temporarily move out to keep my family safe, but what would that do to my children? They are 16 months and two and a half years old. They would not understand why mommy is not at home, and how long do I have to leave them for? We have no idea how long this will last. How do I just leave my husband to care for our children for an indefinite amount of time?

Carly (second from left) with fellow nurses (photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne)

So I choose to stay home for my children and my husband, and myself, for our mental and emotional health, and bare the burden of the chance that I may bring this home to them—despite stripping at the door and tedious hand hygiene regimens each time I come home.

Some co-workers have chosen to move out, which is also hard on so many levels. The hardest part about this is that there is no clear answer on what is the right thing to do. We all have to make the decision that we can live with, and support each other through it so that we can still perform our duties at work and be there for our patients.

We do not know who this will effect, how hard it will hit our community, or how long this will go on for. What we do know is how to slow it down and everytime we see people not complying to government/healthcare requests and regulations of self isolation and physical distancing, it breaks us a little bit more.

Photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne

The bottom line is this: the front line of this battle are filled with emotions and feelings from both extremes, and we feel them all from our hearts. We feel scared and anxious of what is to come and when/how hard it will hit.

We feel love and support from our families, community and fellow front line workers, through messages of support and thanks and parades

We feel anger and resentment when people think and act like they are above the rules and regulations, or stronger than the virus, who are making this all harder for everyone. Let me reassure you that this virus does not discriminate: It hits all ages, all fitness levels, so please listen when healthcare leaders ask you to stay home.

We feel sadness and heartbreak everytime we leave our families for another shift, not knowing what is in store for that day. We feel exhausted from our long shifts wearing constant PPE, and the constant battle in our heads of what is best for our families.

We feel proud and honoured that we are the ones who are there to help these patients when their families are not allowed at their bedside, due to tightening visitor rules.

We feel all of these emotions on a daily basis and are trying to do the best we can to get through this all together. So please everyone, do your part to flatten the curve and kick this virus where it hurts. Please stay at home so we can continue to be there for you when you need us!

A huge thank you to everyone out there doing your part, staying home and supporting your frontline workers. Let's be kind to one another during these difficult times, so we can all come out healthy and happy on the other side!

—Carly Neadow, Emergency RN

(Mary Zita Payne, who is producing this series, has been documenting frontline healthcare workers on the frontlines on her personal blog.)

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